How to Perfect the Art of Being Alone
You know the feeling. You’re alone with your thoughts, no distractions or conversation.
Unless you count the ones in your head!
The art of being alone is a skill and something you can get better at with practice. So don’t worry, you got this.
Feeling alone happens in our thoughts. Have you felt alone even with other people around you? That’s your thoughts making you feel that way.
The secret to feeling OK about being on your own is to change your thoughts. All of a sudden to be alone isn’t a bad thing. Not if we don’t think it is!
Now that we’ve been through a pandemic and most of us have spent far more time on our own than we thought possible, does it change anything? Too often what bothers us about being alone is feeling we have no choice over it, and this situation confirmed that. We’ve all had to be apart from others whether we chose it or not.
But we can still choose how we feel about it.
Why is it hard to be alone?
What we often think it means to be alone.
- We’re alone because we have no one to be with.
We’re alone because we’re not worthy of companionship.
- We’re alone and we’ll always be alone.
Now that we’ve scared ourselves, what’s the reality?
We’re alone because we’ve chosen to be alone.
- Being alone doesn’t mean we can’t get or keep a friend or lover.
- Being alone says absolutely nothing about who we are.
- Being alone is a choice and sometimes the best choice.
- Being alone gives us headspace.
- Being alone isn’t the same as being lonely. (Lonely is also based on thoughts too)
All you need to do is change your perception of what it means to be alone.
Stop and realize all of the positive aspects of being on your own. Stop focusing on what you think it means. If you can take away the social stigma you put on yourself, you may actually enjoy your own company!
“I have not lived as a woman. I have lived as a man. I’ve just done what I damn well wanted to, and I’ve made enough money to support myself, and ain’t afraid of being alone.”
― Katharine Hepburn
Being on your own means you’ve made a choice. You can choose to be around people. If you choose to be on your own, it just means you value your own company.
Being OK on your own can make your relationships stronger. It doesn’t mean we don’t need others. It just means we’re content to be in our own company too. We’re not with someone just out of need.
Being OK on your own means you’re self confident. Most relationships work better when people feel confident about who they are. You want to be with someone who enjoys your company, not who is just afraid of being on their own!
How Can I be Alone and by Myself?
How do I enjoy being alone? Think of being alone as having quality time with your BFF. Each time you panic a little at the thought of being alone, just talk back to yourself. Tell yourself all is well, you’re safe and you’re actually having a good time!
It’s what we tell ourselves about being alone that causes fear and anxiety.
Look I know it’s not easy to stop feeling alone and it won’t happen overnight. If you’re an introvert this will probably be a whole lot easier than if you’re extroverted. When you’re an extrovert and thrive on company, not having people around to boost your mood is tough. But you can train yourself.
If doubtful thoughts or worries creep in when you’re on your own, remind yourself it’s your choice. One you can change it at any time. Change the conversation in your head and relax into being someone you want to hang out with. Start to enjoy your own company and you’ve perfected the art of being alone.
Find reasons for gratitude every day to boost your positive mood goals.